The People vs Chrysler... the Debate

"Mr. MP.  My name is Sir Percival Boot-Bucket, QC, PhD, LLD and few other initials.  I am a lawyer by training and a slimy worm by vocation.  I have the honour, today, of presenting the case in favour of the bailout of Chrysler Canada.  It is my intent to convince you, and the people in this audience, that to not bailout Chrysler would be a political blunder of immense proportion.  By the end of my presentation and at the conclusion of this debate, I am confident that you will rule that Chrysler is deserving of a Canadian government bailout."

"Mr. MP.  My name is Lester Plotz.  I am an unemployed welder from Cape Race Newfoundland and I represent the hundreds of thousands of ordinary Canadians who have lost their jobs during this recession and have nothing to fall back on because of the inequities in the Employment Insurance system in this country."

"Thank you for those introductions, Sir Boot-Bucket and Mr. Plotz.  Mr. Plotz, I can't help but notice that you do not live in my riding... oh, never mind.  Gentlemen, the rules of this debate are simple.  You will each be given one minute to present a case to support your premise.  That will be followed by 30 seconds of questioning by me.  Then you will be given 10 seconds to give your closing statements before I rule in favour of Chrysler.  Sir Boot-Bucket, you will present first."

"Thank you, Pierre.  My case is simple..."

"Just a second, here!  Did you just say, 'before I rule in favour of Chrysler'?  And did he just call you Pierre?"

"I did and he did, Mr. Putz."

"That's Plotz and what may I ask is the value of this debate if you have already made up your mind?"

"That's life in a Conservative Canada, Mr. Phizzle.  Get used to it."

That's Putz... err, Plotz and I object to this whole affair!"

Are you accusing me of having an affair, Mr. Pinding?  Are you slandering my good name and that of my live-in paramour?"

"No, no. I am talking about this debate.  This debate is a sham!"

"No, Mr. Pifffle.  It is you who is a sham.  You came into my court... err, debate hall, with a wild fantasy that you deserve a living wage and protection in unemployemnt; at the same time slandering me; and, I am sure, with the full intent of making accusations against Chrysler.  Mr. Punding, you are a disgraceful citizen.  You only think about yourself and not about the greater good or of my chances of re-election.

"Sir Percival Boot-Bucket, I have found that the arguments presented by you on behalf of Chrysler are compelling and I rule that you have prevailed on this day.  Here is your cheque for $3 billion.  Have a good vacation in the Bahamas and I will see you at the next Conservative black tie dinner.

"This debate is complete.  Piss off Mr. Poor-excuse-for-a-Canadian."

Special note:  While the Con government is handing out a a multi-billion dollar cheque, in real life, to Chrysler, they are telling unemployed Canadians that the inequities in the current EI system would take $1 billion to fix and that that is way too much!


Is that the kind of government you want?